Supporting the First Responder in Your Life

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Top three lifestyle changes

Supporting the first responder in your life can be challenging. Your life may no longer follow a typical schedule. Emergencies happen 24 hours a day, including on holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. First responders often cannot leave what they are doing when an emergency occurs.

These cchanges can be stressful. It helps to recognize that challenges will come up and think about how you want to respond to them.

Long shifts and unpredictable hours

​A shift may be scheduled from 6 a.m.- 6 p.m., but if an emergency call comes in at 5:45 p.m., your plans may need to change. First responders often have little or no warning when they need to stay late. While they care about friends and family, they must focus entirely on the emergency in front of them.

As a general rule, expect that they may be at work at least one hour past their scheduled end time.

They may bring work home

Some emergencies affect first responders emotionally, physically and spiritually. They cannot always leave those experiences behind at the end of a shift. They may replay a difficult or traumatic event in their minds long after it happens.

You can support your loved one by encouraging healthy ways to manage stress and giving them time to process their experiences. This might include walking the dog, meeting a friend for coffee, going to the gym, or taking part in a favourite hobby.

They face a higher risk of mental health challenges

First responders regularly experience high levels of stress and emotional ups and downs. As a result, they may face a higher risk of mental health challenges, substance abuse problems, domestic conflict, and suicide.

If you notice changes in the first responder in your life, seek help as soon as possible. Contact one of the support numbers listed in the sidebar for immediate assistance.

Tips for starting a conversation

If a friend or partner has experienced a traumatic event, your support can help them recover. Consider the following suggestions:

  • Learn about critical incident stress. Understanding what the person is experiencing can help you provide support.
  • Encourage the person to talk about the incident, but do not pressure them. They may believe that others do not want to hear about their feelings or expect them to be able to “handle” the situation on their own. Let them know you are willing to listen.
  • Ask simple questions such as “How are you doing?” or “How are you feeling?” If they want to talk, they will. If not, they will know support is available when they are ready.
  • Do not be afraid of strong emotions. Watching someone cry or express deep grief can be difficult. People who have experienced trauma often need to express their emotions. Listen, support them, and let them talk. Afterwards, you might suggest a walk to help reduce stress.
  • Share your feelings thoughtfully. Avoid saying “I know how you feel,” because every experience is different. Instead, say things like “I can imagine this hurts a lot,” or “I'm sorry this happened to you.”
  • Avoid making promises such as, “Everything will be okay.” No one can predict the future. Your role is to support, not to fix the situation. If you are unsure what to say, listening is often enough.
  • Tell them it is okay to feel the way they do. Remind them that feelings such as sadness, confusion, anger or grief are normal responses to a difficult event.
  • Do not try to explain away what happened. At this stage, emotional support is usually more helpful than explanations. Explanations may unintentionally make the person feel that their emotions are being minimized.
  • Encourage a debriefing or counselling session if the distress continues. While every situation is different, most people show some signs of improvement over time. Signs of progress may include feeling less stressed, saying they are feeling better, or behaving more like their usual self.
  • Take care of yourself, too. Even if you were not directly involved in the incident, you may be affected by its impact on someone you care about. Make sure you have someone you can talk to for support.

Helpful things to say

​It looks like you had a tough day. Let's make some time to talk. Feel free to do what you need to de-stress. It seems like you were really affected today, I don't think I can help you the same way your CISM team can. Let's call. 

What you're experiencing is completely normal. You should make some time for friends and focus on self-care. You've been different for a few days and not showing signs of improvement. We need more help.

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